It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
