Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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