somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I cannot find my penis.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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