last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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