Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
