check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
