alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
