I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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