I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I cut my penus on the lid.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
