Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
