Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
