Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I came so hard my ears popped.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
