Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
