Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
