I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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