Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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