apparently the secret to your success is patron
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
