that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your cock deserves a montage
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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