New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
