i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
