I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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