I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
