Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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