when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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