I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
