my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
