I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
