Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
