I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
