the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
