Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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