on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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