After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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