Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
