What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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