i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
