She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
