I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So apparently I’m into choking now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
