Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just high enough for therapy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
