i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
