Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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