Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
