ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it glows. i had to have it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Send help, water and tortillas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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