we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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