wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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