Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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