her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
