so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
