Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
