Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Apparently you make a good broom.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
