dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
