I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize