you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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