i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
