I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
