You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
