I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
