Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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