Im at strip club and am horny
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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