I just gift wrapped bread.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
