I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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