I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
