dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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