Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
