Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
