It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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