dude i'm inner monologue high
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
