I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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