is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
