she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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