You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
A+ Viking dick
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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