From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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